where did "I" go??????

Since 22 years it was all right..perfect me..n my perfect life..
n now at the age of 25 its all such a mess...
if i look at my life from a distance of say 7 meters it look ahh so perfect still...
but tell u what the "I" factor is gone...
being deeply in love has done blunders in my life n has given me pain which is etched though my heart n can never be rubbed off...
but this second shot which i took is turning out to be a bigger mess....
phew!
the frog turned into prince charming n then jumped into well coz he was a frog after all!!!!!
well the strengths of my character ... my personality...my persona ...n everything about me is gone...i dont have friends to share my feeling {omg he is possessive}.... i dont have any hobbies {he thought i was wasting time n i aint good enough} .... my parents dont have faith in me like before {sweet lord they still pretend though}....ambition is gone...passion..devotion..dedication for my self turned towards a filthy person who does not deserved it n to be frank really didnt even understand meaning of all these words..oh he is indeed dumb!
can love be this blind???
i am practical enough to write this down ... but not sane enough to kick his ass outta my life??
After all it my life ..is nt it????
i call it mess these days!

& the reason i call it love...{bite me!!}

TH@T ONE THING...

Its @ll @bout th@t one thing...
yes it is...
th@t one thing which comes to your mind when u s@y for the n-th time.."im bre@king up" or s@y "go to hell..".."get lost..".."lets bre@k off.." .. "im better @lone.." "bl@h bl@h..."
im t@lking @bout th@t one thing which comes to ur mind when u see he/she didnt c@lled to wish u morning..didnt c@lled to @sk how ur d@y w@s going..n is not there to comfort u @t nights..
the word is empty to be precise..but not ex@ctly..
to fill this empty-ness..u've frnds..work..thro@t sliting competition..oh yes!ur own time which u spend in u r own w@ys..with f@mily or exploring u r cre@tive side..but @t the end of d@y whom @re u fooling m@te?
frnds 've b-frnds/g-frnds they keep on c@lling once @ while {@tle@st} n ur mind goes b@ck to th@t one thing...
exploit ur potenti@ls push urself to extremes in work but till when?
your time your w@y will seem @ll cr@p @fter @ d@y or two...
you either dope ur self to sleep or find the other me@ns...
i've seen people "substituting"... going for "flings" ....b@d option...u end up comp@ring...u c@nt get lucky with rebond everytime...
its @ll @bout th@t one thing which @ person h@s..th@t one thing which m@kes ur he@rt skip @ be@t..m@kes u smile with te@rs..brings u b@ck to life..
keeps u composed..consoles u..@ wink..@ kiss..@ touch..@n expression of love..
or @ny gesture th@t m@kes u believe no m@tter wh@t she's/he's thr
..p@rt of u which is his/her p@rt..
its @bout th@t one thing coz of which u keep on getting b@ck...
trust me more th@n @ny other thing @t th@t moment its love..
@ rel@tion when becomes monotonus..u loose the tr@ck..u loose the sense whom @re u loving?..n why?..@ for gr@nted rel@tion..
se@rch for th@t one thing...it'll definitely come to u..
before u loose it @ll..its there u dont even 've to look for it...
its love..feel it...

will post more l@ter

SUN & ME..THE CONVERS@TION..@T SUNSET

HE SMILES @T ME...
WITH P@IN..
S@YS..
U LOVE TO SEE ME GO?..
I SMILE B@CK & S@Y..
NO..
I LOVE TO SEE U GET
WH@T U DESERVE..
THE EMBR@CE OF COLD W@TER..
@FTER BURNING THE WHOLE LONG D@Y..
FOR ME..
U'VE BEEN CLINGING TO THE DRY SKY..
THE UNF@ITHFUL SKY..
WHO KEEPS LONGING TO HUG..
THE BL@CK CLOUD..
& PUSHES U @SIDE..
I JUST W@NT TO BE THERE..
TO TH@NK YOU..
FOR THE BRIGHT D@Y..
SEE U SMILE..
@S U FIN@LLY MEET THE PE@CE..
REST UR SOUL @GAINST THE L@KE..
U LOOK SO GOOD..
U SHINE OUTT@ PLE@SURE..
TH@T M@KES ME FEEL H@PPY
FOR U..
HE SMILES..@G@IN..
S@YS U KNOW WHY U FEELS SO?..
NO..?
ITS LOVE TH@T U'VE..
BEGN TO SHOW..
U LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO..
ST@NDS NEXT TO U WHEN U BURN URSELF..
T@KES C@RE OF U WHEN U CLING TO DRY SKY..
COMFORTS U WHEN U RE@CH THE HORIZON..
M@KES U SHINE @S RUBY..
HELPS U FIGHT FOR THE NEXT D@Y..
ITS THE REFLECTION OF UR EMPTYNESS..
IS WH@T U SEE BEING REFLECTED IN ME..
ITS @LL WH@T U L@CK..
LOOKING ME BEING EMBRACED..
HURTS YOU..
GIVES U PAIN..
U W@NT SOME ONE TO HOLD U..
& U DONT UNDERST@ND..
ITS NOT H@PPINESS TH@T U GET..
ITS SOMETHING TH@T M@KES U S@D..

...
with te@rs in my eyes
@s i turned b@ck to go..
he s@id the l@st word..
i'll w@it for th@t time to come l@dy..
when u'll be hugged..& hold..
@t the end of the d@y..
& the ple@sure will began to show..
...
Th@nks sun..for showing me the mirror..
hope to see u tomorrow @g@in..
@lone..

ST@RTS WITH DE@TH...

"THIS ONE IS FOR MY BE@UTIFUL..WONDERFUL..N@UGHTY "CHIEF".. MY BL@CK L@BR@DOR..WHOM I LOVED FROM CORE OF MY HE@RT..& I DIDNT KNOW THIS TILL HE DIED @T @N E@RLY @GE OF 2..THIS MORNING.."

LOVE IS NOT THE OTHER WORD FOR LIFE..
@S LOVE CONTINUES TO ST@Y..
& GROW..
EVEN WHEN LIFE ENDS..
LOVE W@S WHEN I TOOK C@RE...
SPENT SLEEPLESS NIGHT NEXT TO YOU..
YOU WERE ILL..
YOU WERE SICK..
I W@NTED YOU TO ST@Y..
I W@NTED YOU TO KNOW..
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU...
I FOUND EVERY POSSIBLE W@Y..
BUT YOU LEFT..
WHILE I W@S @SLEEP..
I SLEPT THINKING OF YOU GETTING WELL..
OF YOU & ME TOGETHER @G@IN...
BUT YOU DIDNT G@VE ME CH@NCE..
YOUR EYES WERE OPEN WHEN U LEFT..
WERE YOU LOOKING FOR ME????
I COULD NEVER KISS YOU..
EVEN WHEN YOU KISSED ME..
YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU @RE SOOO FULL OF LOVE...
YOU H@D SO MUCH TO SH@RE..
TO SHOW EVEN YOU C@RED..
I LOVED THE W@Y YOUR EYES TWINKLED...
@CROSS MY SOUL..
I LOVED THE W@Y U W@ITED TO BE..
HOLD..
I NEVER KNEW I LOVED YOU..
COZ IT ST@RTED WITH YOUR DE@TH....

I AM SORRY CHIEFY I COULDNT SAVE YOU..
U KNOW ME & PAPA CRIED A LOT...
WE ARE MISSING U..
YES BABY IM MISSING YOU..
MISSING YOU LOTS..
WISH I COULD PRESSSS REVIND & GET U BACK TO ME & PAPA..
PAPA LOVES U BOY..
I LOVE U TOO..
BE HAPPY WHERE EVER YOU ARE..
YOU ARE THE BEST BABY..MY SWEET CHIEFY
& NO ONE WILL EVER TAKE YOUR PLACE HONEY...
I AM SORRY I COULDNOT SAVE U...
LOVE YOU...

ST@MPED

PEOPLE S@Y I @M HE@RTLESS..
I @M SOMEONE WITH NO FEELINGS...
SOMEONE WITH NO EMOTIONS..
ITS C@USE EVERYTIME I TRIED TO..
EXPRESS MYSELF TO YOU..
YOU WERENT THERE...
& I @M ST@MPED...
ST@MPED @S HE@RTLESS...

PEOPLE S@Y I @M SH@MELESS..
I @M SOMEONE IDIOTIC@LLY BOLD..
SOMEONE WITH STUPID D@RINGS..
ITS C@USE EVERYTIME I TRIED TO..
HIDE MYSELF BEHIND YOU...
YOU WERENT THERE...
& I@M ST@MPED...
ST@MPED @S SH@MELESS...

PEOPLE S@Y I @M PR@CTIC@L..
I @M SOMEONE WITH NO DEM@NDS..
SOMEONE WITH NO EXPECT@TIONS...
ITS C@USE EVERYTIME I H@D...
HOPES FROM YOU...
YOU SH@TTERED THEM...
& I @M ST@MPED...
ST@MPED @S PR@CTIC@L...

PEOPLE S@Y I @M SERIOUS...
I DONT KNOW SMILE..
SOMEONE WITH NO HUMOR...
ITS COZ EVERY TIME I TRIED TO..
H@VE @ JOY..TO BE H@PPY...
YOU HURTED ME...
& @M ST@MPED...
ST@MPED @S SERIOUS....

PEOPLE S@Y I @M RUDE..
I DONT W@YS TO PLE@SE..
SOMEONE WITH NO M@NNERS...
ITS COZ EVERY TIME I WISHED TO...
PLE@SE YOU..TO M@KE YOU H@PPY..
YOU W@LKED OUTT@ PL@CE..
& I @M ST@MPED...
ST@MPED @S RUDE....

& THEY ITS @LL MY F@ULT!!!

CR@VINGS...

{This one is not ex@ctly "my style"..
...u m@y consider it just @s scribblingz.....}

ITS LOST..
H@S BEEN LONG..
IM NOT TRYING TO FIND IT...
IM JUST CR@VING..
& LONGING B@D...
TO BE IN LOVE @G@IN...
FOR ME ITS U..
U KNW IT WELL...
BUT STILL U S@Y..
I LOVE SOMEONE ELSE...
IM JUST CR@VING...
HE@DING NO WHERE...
W@NTING TO HOLD U @G@IN..
ITS WINTER...
@L@S!!
WE'VE BEEN W@ITING..
FOR IT TO COME...
TO REDEFINE...
OUR LOVE & P@SSION...
BUT HERE IM..
CR@VING...
TO KISS U....
U KNOW HOW IT FEELS...
U KNOW IT WELL!
STILL U CHOSE..
TO BE @W@Y...
I KNOW IT WHY...
W@NN@ SEE ME CR@VING...
CR@VING FOR U..
DYING TO MEET U...
U KNOW IT GETS..
ON MY NERVES...
I C@NT ST@ND IT...
THE NIGHT @LONE...
WITH MOON SO BRIGHT...
& THE WIND BLLOWING..
& I C@NT SLEEP...
SLEEP WITHOUT U...
STILL U M@KE...
M@KE ME CR@VE...
FOR @LL THESE THINGZ...
THINGZ I THOUGHT...
WILL BE MINE..
MINE FOREVER...
BUT HERE U R ...
M@KING ME CR@VE...
CR@VE FOR U...
& FOREVER....

LOVE D@DDY!!

This poem of mine is dedic@ted to love of my life..my f@ther figure..whom i c@ll D@ddy!! This one is for u....

LIVING FOR 21 YRS
DIDNT KNW WHR TO GO..
@LL SO PERPLEXED
SO VERY CONFUSED
LETTING THE TIME FLOW..

PPL CME & WENT..
HURTED,LOVED,ENJOYED..
PUSHED,PULLED,H@D FUN..
FRIENDS,STR@NGERS,P@SSERS..
S@YING..BYE FOREVR!!LEAVE!!GO!..

W@LKING ,WILTING & DYING..
L@UGHING,CRYING..LETTING GO..
DIDNT KNW WT I W@S CR@VING FOR..
TILL U CME TO SHOW..

U SMILED HELD MY H@ND..
TOLD ME WT W@S RIGHT..
KEPT @W@Y MY SORROWS..
HUGGED ME SO TIGHT...

T@UGT ME HOW TO W@LK..
WHN THE RO@DS TURN DOWN..
T@UGHT ME HOW TO L@UGH..
WHN THE WORLD REFLECTS..FROWNS..

YOU L@YED @W@KE FOR ME..
EVEN @FTER I FELL @SLEEP..
SO TH@T DRE@MS DONT H@UNT ME..
I DONT GET UP & WEEP....

C@NT LIVE WITHOUT U D@DDY..
C@NT SLEEP WITHOUT UR LOVE..
C@NT W@LK WITHOUT UR HAND D@DDY..
C@NT SEE WITHOUT U TO SHOW..

THIS B@BY OF UR'S D@DDY..
PROMISES TO BE IN LOVE..
TILL TIME LE@DS TO ETERNITY..
WE'LL FLY LIKE DOVE..